"Twas the Night 'Ere Ocsober and all through the house...
Not a stubbie was being opened, not even a glass...."
Well, here it is, as September 2013 disappears forever, and the Spectre of Cold Hard Sobriety looms upon yonder horizon... not just once, but for 31 sleeps...
Goodness gracious, what have I got into here!?!
It's comforting a few of my Qld buddies are joining me on this most ambitious quest though. Irene, I haven't known you long, but you look and are an angel, and so happy you turned up in my life. Dani, that's a bit of a surprise, and very damn impressed, young lady! And Mellita, we are gonna kick arse with this; as you say, an interesting month ahead. On the Victorian team there's Mal (who I regard as an honorary Queenslander anyway) and glad you enjoyed that glass of wine tonight, gorgeous man. Glad you're keeping me company on this journey!
So.... I was up at 5 this morning (work that I didn't want to waste my weekend doing, sigh), couple of coffees of course, and very, very mindful that today was my last chance to drink for quite a while. This of course comes on the back of a pretty big drinking and partying weekend. Lots of dancing, lots of fun.. and the prospect of the next month is looking gloomy. And stressful. And making me anxious, just a bit. Otherwise OK, haha.
You see, I hate to fail. At anything! And this is so damn public, and no, I can't just cheat because I would KNOW that I cheated. People have sponsored me, but more importantly I've invested emotional sponsorship in myself, belief in what I'm doing, the reasons I am doing it, and that I in fact CAN DO IT and WILL DO IT. Whew. No pressure!
Looking at the next few weeks, there's a few events happening that are simply screaming out for beer. Jon Stevens is coming to Noosa. So is Russell Morris. And that's just for starters. Never mind the Sunday sessions at the surf club, or the lovely late arvo coldies with my good mate Denise on the beach. Or my lovely little sunset spot across the road on the river, chilling out with the pelicans and a sunset after a hard day slogging on the keyboard. I wouldn't say my world revolves around alcohol, but it's fair to say a cold beer does enhance my world, sometimes I suspect too often for my own good...
So here goes!
Those that don't want to take up such a challenge, they have their reasons. It's too hard, the month is too long (February on a non leap year would have been better), maybe kids' education into addictions is not worthy enough a cause, or maybe they simply just don't bloody want to! All good reasons perhaps, to them.
But the reason I'm doing it (apart from raising money for those kids that I would like to see grow into a clean living generation better than their parents are) is simply to see if I CAN. Plain and simple. Curiosity. A challenge. Can I do this? How hard will it be? Will I have withdrawal symptoms? Am I closer to the grip of alcoholism than I care to consider? Because if I'm not, why on earth would giving it up for a month cause me any anxiety at all? It should be like giving up orange juice. I like drinking that too, but going a month without it would be inconsequential.
Coming from a childhood of being raised by an alcoholic father (I call it being "raised" for wont of a better word, another story for another time, that one) and no mother at all from age 9, I am very mindful of genetic alcoholism and the like, because I'm rather anxious to avoid that particular problem now and also later in life. Not least of which my reasons are not to subject my daughter to the same tired groove that I danced to as a kid. Yet I've felt myself teetering on the brink of the abyss a few times in my life, where to let myself fall over that cliff would mean a long desperate clawing back to sobriety and sanity. So I'd simply rather allow myself that bit of latitude for a while, and rein it back in before it goes beyond Point Danger. I can always feel the point approaching, and thankfully I've always acted on it thus far..
The books I have read on the topic tell me that as soon as drinking has become a habit, no matter how small, you are in fact an alcoholic. In the same way smoking becomes a habit, or drugs, or gambling. It's mindless. You no longer choose to indulge in your addiction, because the choice is no longer there. You NEED to use your substance. End game. Sadly, by the time people come to this realisation, it is actually already too late.
Take another example. Drinking in the car while driving. The ubiquitous "traveller." How nice is that? You're heading over to a party or to a friend's place, or not even anywhere particular, but the drive is always that much nicer with a friendly cold beer clutched between your thighs (or these days, in a prim n proper drink holder). No bad, right? Hey, if you've got a bit of a distance to cover, you might even bring a spare. Because it's twofold; it relaxes you as well, and you get to your destination already wearing a happy smile and a bit of buzz. You walk in the door, but the party started back home already before you left!
So taking a step back, looking at myself, and I don't really like what I see there. I remember my dad with his glass of red in the car. I also remember him driving down the wrong side of the Tulla Freeway with my mother and us two kids in the back seat. Mum screaming, and we kids not really understanding why Mum was screaming, or what the hideous consequences could well have been....
Ocsober is about giving our kids a better crack at living authentically. It's also about us having the gumption to challenge ourselves to take back control of our freedom to choose, before we can no longer do it. But it's mostly about celebrating life with those we love, as only a free person can do...
Best of luck, fellow Ocsoberites, it's gonna be a ride!! Xoxxo
